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Friend.Chocoholic.Tantrum-thrower.Child.Woman.Whatever !!!!!!!!

Letter to my Single & Unmarried Friends

with 9 comments

Dear Single & Unmarried Friends,

Marriage isn’t all that bad you know – to have someone who loves you & accepts you in spite of all the farts, burps, pimples, hairy legs, and PMS.  I got married relatively early (barely a year out of college) and am now experienced while many of you are now starting the whole battle with your folks. I get alot of questions from you guys asking WHY MARRIAGE?

I try to answer all your questions.

Are you ready for it? You will never know you’re ready till you do it. Don’t say no it just for the sake of saying no. The more you think about whether or not you’re ready for it, the more you psych yourself out. Don’t think so much. You know what Nike says – just do it.

What if you don’t like the person? If you’re not dating someone and you parents have asked you to meet someone, go ahead meet the person – you never know when and where you meet your Mr. or Ms. Right. I met my Mr. Right at a dinner party at my parent’s friend’s place which my mom made me attend after exercising her full parental authority (but the fact that we liked each other enough to get married was a big surprise for the parents). Despite all prima facie opinions, they are your parents and know you somewhat and will only want the best for you. Give the person your parents have chosen, a fair chance (and this also means no comparison with exes). And if you still don’t like the person, tell him/ her that and move on.

Will your life change after marriage? Yes it will – how much depends on the two of you.

Will there be adjustments and compromise? Yes there will be. By both of you.

Why should you get married? I can’t tell you that, but I can tell you that after a few years those most of those friends who paint the town red with you today, will in all probability be married and may even have a kid or two and lead their own lives and not be able to meet up with you everyday for drinks at that new pub.

Will there be fights? Yes there will be fights. There may even be a few glasses broken, but it’s not the end of the world. Kiss and make up. That’s the fun of it.

What if you don’t like the in-laws? If you really really think this person is the one for you, then make an attempt to like them – with all their little foibles. Do the little things which will endear you to them. No daddy will ever think any guy deserves his little girl and no mother will ever think that any girl is good enough for her son. Especially if they’re Indian. And if you’re not sure about the person or his/ her parents, then look for someone else more your type – because in India, you don’t marry he person, you marry his/ her family. This will save you and a whole lot of other people a lot of pain and heartbreak in the future. And ladies, run far far away from those guys (and their folks) who want to know what you’ll be brining from your father’s house – these kind of people are never going to be happy.

Will you in-laws be like a second set of parents? Again depends on your particular set. They may not like her wearing the spaghetti or his smoking/ boozing, but at the end of the day, if you love their prince/ princess they’ll learn to love you.

Will you change after marriage? My close friends tell me that I have changed – I have become more mature – I actually keep clothes in the cupboard now and not dumped on the chair. My not-so-close friends tell me that I have not changed I am still the bright, chirpy, chatterbox they knew. You will change with time & circumstances, but don’t become a whole new person.

Will there be breakfast in bed? If there isn’t, demand it

What if he wants to watch Rambo and she wants to watch Pretty Woman? Compromise is the name of the game. Watch A Few Good Men.

What’s the difference between marriage & a live-in?  Why all these mindless boring endless rituals? My take is all this is to drive in the commitment and the strength of it. One may walk out of a live-in after a fight, but it’s not that easy when you’re married. And yes, your parents whether you like it or not do have to live by some societal pressures. And this is India – where people want to know how much you earn and why did that couple on the second floor get divorced. These endless rituals are also why divorce in India is still low – no one wants to go through it all again. Besides your family & friends just want a free party.

Why does he watch all these stupid cricket matches when you want to watch your K-serials? Negotiate – you give some, you take some.

Will she buy more shoes/clothes/bags and will he buy gadgets/ tech stuff? Yes, if they have been doing till date they will continue to do so, despite all that you say. 

Think about it. Remember when you tried your first drink? You were ready to try it weren’t you? Give this also a try. At least open your mind to the idea of marriage. And also remember that to find your prince/ princess you’ll have to probably have to hunt through the frogs & toads first.

If you’re still not okay with him/ her after having taken the first step, you still have time to say No before the seven steps around the fire. Say ‘No’ if you wan. Don’t go ahead with it only because the cards have been sent or because the relatives have booked their tickets or because “What will people say?” At the end of the day, you’re the one who has to live your life.

Best of luck…and don’t forget to invite me to your weddings.

 

Love

You’re Married for 2.5 years friend

 

PS: The questions never end. Right after the one ‘When are you getting married?’ is the ‘So when do we get to hear some “good news”?

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Written by SupMM

October 5, 2009 at 1:00 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

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9 Responses

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  1. Not to sound smug but I knew that stuff in some measure or the other. I’ve been toying with the idea of doing a post for all my (newly) married friends listing why their reasons of ‘You should get married because everyone else is’ are not good enough for me.

    Oh and the new abode is nice 🙂 I think I really like the ease of the comment box here … tempts me to leave random pointless comments just because it’s so nice 😀

    Welcome welcome welcome. Please leave lots of commments, I really like it and I promise to reply to each and everyone of them 🙂

    I didn’t intend to sound smug in this post, its just that I know so many of my friends who are at crossroads now and who ask me about married life, maintaining a balance b/w personal & professional life, in-law issues, how do you know whether he is the right guy etc.Many of them want to get married, but are apprehensive abnout the future.

    DewdropDream

    October 5, 2009 at 2:28 pm

  2. nice post! hmmm. im finally learning something.

    Bhai, seekh le abhi kuch. I shall be the typical Balaji sister-in-law howling away and finding fault always remember 😛

    Aditya

    October 5, 2009 at 4:10 pm

  3. hmm…now that was an interesting post. 🙂 liked it!! I have never had any doubts abt marriage, i think its wonderful to marry the person u love and stay together. I cant wait to get married.

    Yes Ria, it is wonderful if you love the person and are open to some amount of compromise and adjustment on the part of both parties

    Ria

    October 5, 2009 at 4:40 pm

  4. Arre baba I was not implying that YOU sound smug, not at all 🙂

    Aree baba, I know you didn’t say that but I didn’t want to sound like that at all so it was just to clarify 🙂

    DewdropDream

    October 5, 2009 at 8:38 pm

  5. How true. And you’re absolutely right about the questions piling up. I’ve been married for 5 months ONLY and the ‘when are you giving us the good news’ questions have started knocking on my door.Duh duh!

    Ha ha, I got asked within a week of my wedding. And after the first child, they want to know when your having the second one. I wonder what they’r going to ask after that 😛

    Meira

    October 6, 2009 at 9:57 am

  6. hhhhmmm…

    Hmmmm right back at you 😛

    J

    October 6, 2009 at 10:38 am

  7. i liked it and i told you that earlier but for the typosss sup! 🙂

    Uffffffffffffffff….I couldn’t find anymore you typo-monster 😛

    utopia

    October 6, 2009 at 11:46 am

  8. That is a very interesting post.

    I know I have asked each of these questions to myself. And the interesting part is the guy who I will be marrying.. decided that yes, we are getting married in a matter of one month of knowing me! I was very surprised.. I think i took a good 3 months to be sure and present the matter to parents and all. But it felt good to know that he was so sure! 😉

    And I loved what you have said… take a step… try it and decide… rather than questioning and assuming before you do know anything.

    Wow…one month????? He sure is a guy who makes up his mind fast. We took a couple of months. We met in May 2006 and then he came down in July (our 2nd meeting) he popped the question and we told the folks and they started planning the wedding 🙂

    I firmly belive that when you meet the right person, you know it somewhere deep within yourself – fights & farts notwithstanding 😛

    Aathira

    October 6, 2009 at 1:01 pm

  9. LOL..

    I think I am going to make copies of this n send to people who ask me why I chose to marry early and why I am having loads of legal sex, late night drives & control of my life.. 😀

    Amen to that. Long live the legal sex, late night drives & control of my life 🙂

    Dee

    October 6, 2009 at 2:20 pm


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