Posts Tagged ‘retrospective’
its been a while since i posted. a long while. its the same old, same old – work and life keeping me busy. i see others posting and commenting regularly. hats off to them. there are so many things i want to say and so many things which i can’t.
i am disturbed about an incident which took place at work yesterday. from the time that i have started working, i have consciously kept away from internal politics everywhere. internal politics is a part and parcel of every workplace, but i always made it clear that i didn’t indulge in it and refused to be a party to it. however, when there was no other option but to be a part of it, i had to be. when i started heading a team, i consciously kept the channels open for my colleagues to bring their issues to me. i have often been called upon to even mediate internal issues between various departments. i have given them all support. unfortunately this was thrown back at my face yesterday by a colleague. all my other colleagues have said that i couldn’t have been more fair than i was, and not to take it to heart. unfortunately i have. i am well aware that this is not my fault, there is no guilt whatsoever, but more a feeling of being let down – a breach of trust to say.
there is also a sense of unease somewhere. i just feel that there is something which is going to go very wrong. not at work. but otherwise. i wish god would give me a sign somewhere to reassure me that i am wrong. maybe its just me being me. i don’t know.
I need a breakkkkkkkkk!!!
Most of you know I have bene running myself ragged working for the past few months. I have no idea how and when the year 2009 just flew by. I took about 3 weeks off in the whole year, including a week long trip to Cal during the Pujas, two other weeknd trips, a few days at Kasauli and a few other days here and there.
I finished studying in April 2006 and started working from June 2006. I took 3 weeks off for my wedding in April 2007 and resumed work within ten days of getting married. I have taken infrequent vacations since then and my longest has been the full week I took in September 2009. I work a six days week, and 45 out of 52 weeks a year, a 7 day week. I have been with the same firm since starting my career. Don’t get me wrong, I am not cribbing about my work, cuz I am one of the rare few who gets to do what I enjoy. I have learnt alot in these three and a half years, which had I been elsewhere, I may not have had the oppurtunity to learn so much, to be given so much responsibility or be asked to take on freshers under my wing and train them. I am lucky to have had good bosses, who have screamed at me and also appreciated me. I have been lucky that i have had a good working environment . There have been times when I have ben very frustrated for not receiving due recognition and have almost upped and quit, but my work and my committment to it have held me back. I don’t know if I can be called a workaholic, but yes I do love my work and it does give me a high.
Three and a half years may not be a very long time in a career, especially for one who has just started, but there has now come a time when I feel I am missing out on life. I haven’t had much chance to spend time with my parents since I got married considering the fact that my mother and me are both working and both of us have limited leave. I find myself getting stressed out which is taking a toll on my health and if this continues, it will adversely affect my relation with my husband which I most certaionly don’t want. After all, he also has a hectic and stressful job and its not fair on him. I have little time to meet my friends and family, I have missed the wedding of one of my closest friends, I miss travelling,I miss having just the time to while away. The Sundays usually go in household chores and catching up on sleep. Quality time with my husband is the time we spend travelling together to and fro work, that too only when he is not travelling.
I want to take abreak for a few months from all this stress and tension. I want the time to simply putter around my house and my kitchen and indulge in long leisurely hours of mindless television. I want to simply be selfish and have some time to myself. However, my issue is do I ask my boss for a sabbatical, but knowing him, he will not approve of the idea. Arjun sugested the idea of taking a couple of weeks off, but then will I get the rest and peace I need, because I will still end up attending official calls. So my only option then is to quit, take a break and then start job hunting after a month or so.
However, having been a DINK couple, we are used to a certain standard of living and off course, both of us have certain financial commitmments. We can manage comfortable for 2-3 months, but if I don’t get a job by then, I will go bonkers and drive myself and everybody else up the wall. I am seriously wanting to go on a break, bnut but am trying to work out the hows and whys of it. I am not mentally prepared to leave where I work, but frankly, I see little choice. Companies are hiring again, but I am scared – what if I don’t get another job?
I’m cranky.I’m depressed.I’m stressed out. I’m upset.
What’s the point of working my bloody butt flat out but not getting any recognition for the same? Or what is the point of missing out on life while I am working? 20 years down the line will I be able to say that I was there for my friends or will I say that I was stuck at work? I just want to take a good long break free from all the stress and strain which is telling on me.
Of Honesty with your Work & Other Tales
One thing my parents always told me is to be honest with my work – whether it was studies or doing my chores around the house or anything else that I did. This was the first thing which I was told on my first day of my first internship as well by my then mentor. He told me that if I was not honest with my work, it would show and I would be the ultimate loser.
Don’t cut corners so that you can leave ten minutes early. Go the extra mile. Study the file completely. Make your own reference notes. Take a coffee break when you need to but don’t stretch it too long when you have work piled up on your table. Whethere its research or drafting, check it completely before you give it in. Know your file. Be sure of the facts. Know the dates. Don’t hesitate to clarify if your unsure about something. Eat up the client’s head if you need to – that’s what he’s paying you for. Think out of the box but back it up with logic & law. Read up the latest judgements/ noifications/ amendments. When you fail to do this, it reflects on your work. Present you facts clearly. Pay attention to the details. No work is too big or too small. Do things one step at a time – read the facts, do the researcg, check the latest updates, draft, vet it, settle the draft. Be proud of your work.
I learnt this during my internships & later, when I stepped out of college and began my career with the bar. It has always stood me in good stead. This is something I also tell my juniors. Abd when someone is no honest with their work, I fail to understand why. It shocks me (And I’m not talking about ass-lickers here – just people who’r plain and simple lazy to do their work). Maybe I’m just old-fashioned, because I am informed that this is how it works today. I refuse to accept that – it never worked that way yesterday, and it won’t work like that tomorrow.
On a more pleasant note. I had a good mid-week break (Friday), a working Saturday and a lazy Sunday. Friday, I met Meira. She’d come home for dinner – we had some good girl talk and dinner. And she said i’m an awesome cook & I have a lovely house too – Thanks Meira : )
Saturday was a usual working day, though we did go for a leisurely office lunch.
Sunday night, we did a potluck dinner with friends where thir little soon licked up all the ketchup with his finger and had ketchup all over himself and elsewhere as well 
Monday morning – work as usual.
Good Evenings
Two Old Friends….
A cricket match….
Shoes to buy….
Meeting after ages….
Rain….
People running on the road – some from the rain, some for the match….
Two cups of hot chocolate…
Chicken sandwiches….
Chocolate pastries….
Sitting by the window….
Watching the world go by….
Missing the third spoke of our wheel…
Bitching about colleagues…
Concern for a friend cuz we don’t quite like her guy….
Venting out our frustrations….
That’s what good evenings are made off
Who am I?
When asked to introduce myself, I usually say ” Hi, I am Supriya Maulick Mahajan, Advocate” and if its family thing I identify myself as “Arjun’s wife” or as my “father’s daughter”.
I wonder who am I actually?
Am I only an advocate?
Am I only someone’s wife or someone’s daughter?
Or am I that person -
Who loves to read?
Who loves to dance?
Who loves to sing offtune cuz that’s all I can manage. Its something I inherited from my father – neither of us can carry a tune to save our life?
Who hopes to be an author of romance novels one day?
Who who wears technicolour only on weeeknds?
Who loves to eat good food?
Who enjoys a good stimulating argument?
Who gets all cranky if she does not have her cup of coffee around 4:30 – 5 in the evening?
Who loves a good joke?
Who loves her Chicken wings in honey sauce?
Who is a complete Pepsiholic?
Who is a fledgling cook?
Who is a wife, a daughter, a daughter-in-law, a sister (younger and older), a sister-in-law, a friend?
Who could make friends at the drop of a hat and talk up strangers?
Who can be happy all alone?
Who can feel lonely in a crowd?
Who can cry at the drop of a hat in good times and bad, but not when she needed to get her assignment dates extended?
Who misses having her close gal pals in the same city?
Who misses those carefree days of college?
Who now shares alot of her sorrows and worries with someone whom she has known for the past 14 years but only has now begun to actually know in the true sense of the word?
Who cannot resist a hot chocolate fudge?
Who is often an Agony/ Romance Aunt for her friends?
Who misses the water and her swimming?
Who tries to strike a balance between work and home?
Who really enjoys a glass of wine on any given day?
Whose idea of relaxation is to curl up with a book which can make her cry with a chocolate on the side?
Who always has to think twice before eating anything cold cuz she has a sinus problem?
who cannot tolerate MCPs in any fashion?
Who wants to have a beach house in Goa one day?
Who would go off in her pajamas to E-square for he Sunday morning free pop corn show of Harry Potter?
Who moved to Delhi (a city she hates) permanently because of love without even thinking once, forget twice?
Who had wanted to write an anonymous blog but has now decided not keep it anonymous?
Who loves children and plans on having her own cubs a few years down the line?
Who can give sage advice when asked for and just lend a shoulder when needed and also knock some sense when required?
Who is terrified of dogs?
Who makes decent aalu ka parathas?
Who dreamt of being a journalist and ended up as an advocate and now picks up her pen only to mark her signatures?
Who dreamt of Prince Charming and found him?
Who plans on buying red stilletoes just cuz…?
Who is a shopaholic?
Who loves her long dangling earrings?
Who is equally comfortable in a salwar-kameez or in jeans or in a sari or in shorts?
Who confesses to deriving some sadistic pleasure on punishing herself by watching the Saas-bahu serials?
Who confesses to reading other’s blogs but not leaving a comment?
Who plans to hit the treadmill tomorrow for sure?
Who has an enviable collection of whites and blacks for office wear 5 days a week?
Who loves to pick up that top for 100 bucks from Janpath and wear it 5 times before it gets all worn out?
Who still enjoys watching Tom and Jerry?
Who treasures her friends and hopes that they treasure her as much?
I am all of this and more.
